u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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