i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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