you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I understand Curling. That high.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize