You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
