I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
