fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
