please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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