I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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