i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
