my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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