I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
