this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
