Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
