Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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