You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My life is pants optional.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
