Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
