were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize