Sponge bath it is.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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