I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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