my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
