how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
