Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
