You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
