his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
