There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
