i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
