im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
