There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
