Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
