i need an iv and a liver transplant
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
