he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
