Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
