He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize