My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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