Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
