Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
