i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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