Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
