is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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