All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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