I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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