plz talk dirty to me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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