I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
