just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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