really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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