I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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