He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
