Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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