I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
