Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Text me some of your sweat
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