1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
