So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
