there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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