your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
