Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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