TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
