Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
