If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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