He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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