I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
