then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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