Got a toothbrush?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
