Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize