Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
COCAINE IS GR8
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
