So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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