I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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