It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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