her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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