I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
