he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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