We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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