i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
