That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
