Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
