Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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