I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
