I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
