yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I party with great urgency now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
