I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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