I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
