I'm going to rape someone's good day.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
