you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
