if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize