It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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