The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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