New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
