Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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