Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
