Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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