also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
