I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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