watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
