chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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