I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
