My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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