Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
