Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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