what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
