I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
